Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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