omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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