sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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