Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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