His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
