They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
