we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
