I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
