Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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