When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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