Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
