so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
