Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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