hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize