The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
