the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize