On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
