It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
