Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
