operation harelip BJ is a go
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So vagazzling was a success
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
