I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
