the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
