i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
