Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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