4 words: hood of his car
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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