I want to have your abortion
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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