i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
