Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
