Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
