Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
