Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize