It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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