Moan for me like Helen Keller
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
