What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
