Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
