Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
