You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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