And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
