He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
