were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
