i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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