Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I had to cum in my sink.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
