I cockslap morals
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
