My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
