I wish I only lived at night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
