Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
