Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
