I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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