I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Found the puke drawer
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
