remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Randomize
