Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
