I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
