Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You dont lie about slip and slides
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
