Got a toothbrush?
it was like eating out sand paper
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
