i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
