i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
