FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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