Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
