Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
