I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
