I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
