i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
