Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
