I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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