Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
