I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
