I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
