Where is the hickey?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
