there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
