come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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