Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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