uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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