Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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