just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
how does that bad decision feel?
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