he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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