I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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