and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
