Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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