Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Alive.
So much puke
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
